by Jessica Marshall
Your wedding day is supposed to be the greatest day of your life, not the day your former-BFF-turned-psycho bridesmaid ruined it in a blaze of drunken, stumbling, incontinent rage. Or something equally horrific.
Unfortunately, such looks to be the case for poor Becky (Rebel Wilson) in the new film "Bachelorette," who decides it would be the greatest idea ever to enlist as her bridesmaids three maladjusted high school mates who used to make merciless fun of her behind her back. Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher and Lizzy Caplan star as the trio of late-20-something mean girls stuck in their teenaged glory days, who guiltily accept their appointments as bridesmaids and proceed to plan a blow-out bachelorette party—which, due to their various incompetencies, spirals into a night of debauchery that threatens the very fabric of the wedding (and the wedding dress).
As long as there have been movies about weddings, there have been horrible bridesmaids lurking in the celluloid shadows. So in honor of "Bachelorette" hitting theaters this week, here is a roundup of the worst movie bridesmaids ever. If you've been asked to join a wedding party or hope to someday be part of one, you should take a few notes.
Helen, "Bridesmaids"
Sabotaging the maid of honor's attempts to plan pre-wedding festivities because your own life is miserable doesn't count as exemplary b'maid behavior, ladies. Though it does make for some hilarious scenes. But Helen (Rose Byrne) is a bridesmaid-zilla, in a nutshell, who makes every attempt to one-up Annie the maid of honor (Kristen Wiig) in the days leading up to Lillian's (Maya Rudolph) wedding. Although, we have to give Helen credit for offering up adorable puppies as wedding shower favors. Pawsitively brilliant.
Julianne, "My Best Friend's Wedding"
Your primary job as maid of honor should be to support the bride, not to attempt every form of sabotage in a bid to steal the groom for yourself. This is not cool, guys. Julia Roberts plays Julianne, a single gal who made a pact with her on-again-off-again college boyfriend/best friend that if neither of them were married by the ripe old age of 28, they would marry each other. When 28 comes around for both of them, Julianne finds herself single, but her BFF (Dermot Mulroney) is suddenly engaged. And with that goes her happily ever after.
Tom, "Made of Honor"
Same goes for Tom (Patrick Dempsey), who is asked to serve as the "maid" of honor at his best friend and soul mate Hannah's (Michelle Monaghan) wedding. He even goes so far as to interrupt the wedding (which he earlier ditched) by busting into the church on horseback. Sexy as hell, but still poor form!
Rachel, "Something Borrowed"
We don't care how awful of a person the bride is, having an affair with the groom-to-be in the months leading up to the wedding makes Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) a terrible member of the wedding party. Yes, yes, we know the groom is adorable and rich and they have a history together, and that Darcy the bridezilla (Kate Hudson) is a nightmare, but it's really not the right move if you value your friendship with the bride, who entrusted you with the sacred task of being on call 24/7 in case of a bridal meltdown.
Emma & Liv, "Bride Wars"
Always the bridezilla, never the bridesmaid-zilla. Not an ideal way to be. Also, it's poor form to declare open war on the bride. Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway play two childhood best friends with the joint life goal of a June wedding at the Plaza. When they both get engaged at the same time, they promptly ask each other to be MOH, and then run to the Plaza to book the dates. But when they find out there's only one date available in that much-coveted month, that whole maid-of-honor thing goes out the window, and the New York City bridal scene becomes an open battlefield.
Samantha Baker, "Sixteen Candles"
If your entire family forgot your all-important, life-changing 16th birthday on the day before your sister's wedding, cut them some slack. Don't mope about moodily and not pay attention to the fact that the bride just took a buttload of muscle relaxers and doped herself into matrimonial oblivion. Despite the fact that this John Hughes high school comedy is a classic for kids of a certain generation, it serves as an example of bad bridesmaid behavior (and a cautionary tale of why you should never give your underpants to a horny group of freshmen).
Tania, Michelle, Janine & Nicole, "Muriel's Wedding"
In this case, the bride is utterly to blame for her choice of incompetent bridesmaids. If you were as desperate as Muriel (Toni Collette) to have a wedding (never mind who you're marrying), you should probably make sure you have a good friend in your wedding party to tell you what a stupid thing it is that you're doing. But sadly, Muriel doesn't see it that way, and leaves her dissenting best friend Rhonda (Rachel Griffiths) off the b'maid list in favor of the vapid, overly bleached and bronzed bimbos from her hometown who only signed on because the groom is famous.
Jane, "27 Dresses"
If your little sister steals your dream wedding venue, dress and groom, be a sport and play along! If you have to, consent to be in 27 other weddings and wear horrible bridesmaids dresses to distract yourself. Jane (Katherine Heigl) tries to do that, but fails miserably in a fit of jealousy. To sabotage her sister's wedding, she puts together a slideshow of very unflattering photos to embarrass her at the rehearsal dinner. Do we even need to tell you that this is a terrible, mean-spirited no-no? Hint: That tactic never works out.
Marni, "You Again"
Here is more evidence that it never works in your favor. In this case, the groom's sister/MOH (Kristen Bell) is still stinging years after high school from the bride's merciless taunting. To sabotage their union, she not only airs a video of the bride acting like a total hosebag at the rehearsal dinner, but also brings the bride's sad, pathetic and slightly unhinged ex-fiance along, who gives an epically awkward toast. Then, Marni and her future sister-in-law start an all-out boxing match that ends with people covered in soup. Way to ruin not only the wedding, girls, but also destroy really cute dresses.
Kat, "The Wedding Date"
If the primary aim of agreeing to serve as your baby sister's maid of honor is to get back at your ex-fiance, you are probably a terrible bridesmaid. Add to that the whole hiring-a-male-escort thing, and you may end up just looking sad and desperate. Kat (Debra Messing) does end up looking sad and desperate, until she actually ends up falling in love with the gigolo. But we don't recommend trying that. It's probably not going to work for you.
Which movie bridesmaid do you think is the worst? Sound off in the comments and on Twitter!
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